When life takes a U-turn...

-"Future is fear when it's unknown. But joy when it's clear."

All of a sudden life has taken an unexpected U-turn.

Let me explain things in more details without going into the actual details. You always somehow have a hunch of what's coming next, it's as normal as the feeling of hunger. But this time in my life, I was all taken in aback.

I am for the first time in life wanting/sensing for things that I've always known is not appropriate for me. But now the inappropriate things that have turned up in my life seems more appropriate than the things that were appropriate to start with. (I know, I've lost you guys.. )

Even though I sit with fear of not knowing where life will take me, I still can't let it go... As I know in my heart that IF THIS works out, it'll be THE BEST thing ever happened to me!

Though I am scared like anything... Does it make any sense?

Jodi abar choto hote partam.

Ek moha "giyani" bondhur blog pore amar banglai blog lekhar agroho jaglo, tabe jani je banglai lekhe beshi shubidha korte parbo na. Prothomoto bangla font diye lekhte gele, protita shabdher banan bhul hoto. Jemon amar chotobelar German class'er essay-sheet guli, jekhane protita bakorochonai minimum 10 bhager 9 bhag bhul. Madam'er lal kolomer dage bhore jeto phuler baganer moto, nischoi ei blog'er obosta eki hoto takhon. Ditioto amar bangla lekha ar ek class 2'r chatrir bangla lekha eki ba amarche onek bhalo, karon amar bangla vocabulary onektai choto ar grammer'r kotha toh proshnoi uthe na. Tabe taw ami banglai blog lekhar cheshta korbo.

Kichu din dhore keno jani chotobelar kotha khub mone pore, oboshor shomoi mon tane puran chotobelar albumer dike. Boshe boshe shobar chobi dekhi ar bhabi, emoni ki chilo amar chotobela? Shobai koto hashi kushi chilam, mile mishe thaktam amra, ekhon koi gelo ei shob manush? Oneke ei duniya chere chole gechen, ba onno deshe boshobash koren ba ekhane thekeo dekha hoi na. Boro kaalta kemon jani nishthur ar gombhir. Monehoi je shei chotokaale fire jai ar shobai ke joriye dhore boli, tomra emoni thako boro howar kono dorkar nei.

Kintu abar mone pore je she chotokaaler ami ek kaale khub agroho niye boro howar cheshta kortam. Boshe boshe ammuder golpo shuntam, majhe majhe lukhiyeo shona hoto. Ba Apu ar or bandhobider pichon pichon ghurtam, oder shathe khelte iche hoto ba oder golpo shunte chaiytam kintu amake newa hoto na karon ami oder jonno beshi choto chilam. Ami eka eka boshe thaktam TV-roome ar bhabtam, kakhon je boro hobo? Apuder shathe khelbo kobe? Nijer boyeshi manush ashe-pashe khub kom chilo, ar jeguli chilo prai shob guli chilo chele. Era ek shomoi giye ar amar shathe khelte chaito na. Ar jakhoni amar boyeshi meyera ashto, oder ke ami bestfriend baniye chartam, kintu keno jani tikto na. Tabe ekhono tike na, tai bole meyeder shathe bondhuto korar asha chere diyechi puropuri.

Toh ajke keno jani Apur 8 bochor jonmodiner video dekhte iche holo. Video cholar muhurte buk jore dhob dhob kora shuru korlo, puron shob manushderke dekhe ekrokom maya jege utlo oder poti. Shei chotobelar Apuke dekhe chokhe chole ashlo pani, ei shei Apu jar kichu din por biye. Jar shathe protidin joghra, maramari kortam, shei Apur biye ek bochor por. Bhabtei kemon jani lage. Khushi te hashbo naki mon udash kore thakbo, bhabna guli apatoto shob elomelo. Bodhoi Apur biyer kotha shune chotobelar kotha mone porlo, ki jani...

Tabe jani je din bodliye ashche, prithibi ar manushderke onno drishtite dekha shuru korte hobe. Ager moto bhola mon niye shopno dekhte parbo na, ek dirgho ar kothin shomoi shamne chole esheche.

In need of a tiny person!

I recall the times I used to generally write with an enthusiasm, pretty much write about everything and anything. I felt that I had to share my views and thoughts, even day to day happenings with everyone without hesitating. It almost felt like dancing Swanlake but in this case my fingers were the legs and the keyboard was the stage.

Even writing this bit, I'm feeling anxious and uncomfortable. Is this what you call a writers block?

There are times when my head is filled with thoughts and discussions. Believe it or not, some of them are quite smart ones, perfect for my blog, so I always end up thinking; "Aah, I should blog about this when I get home or when I sit infront of the pc!" But as soon as I sit to write, my brain freezes! I wish there was a tinny person living in my head and would blog my thoughts for me instantly so I wouldn't have to sit here and type.

As old as you decide to be

[Response from a senior friend of mine from Facebook]

It's time for that scream

One of my younger friends, Shakia, is about to turn 23. That old already! Oh, no! Wait... didn't I go past that age about 23 years back? May be I did, too. And, she feels old. Too old to miss the carefree old Shakia who ran around with kids and had ice-creams. Ah! She even misses being 5.

Shakia, dear, I am there with you. I miss being 5, too. And, I don't miss being 23 at all. I still miss running on the wall (yes, on the wall, mad me so feel like Spiderman), ice-creams (they didn't have Baskin Robins or Move'nPick back then, but they indeed had ice-creams), tennis balls (we turned them into soccer balls, and played in the living-room), and the trekks down to the playing field (it seemed so away from home). I miss it all.

That's partly why I get down to the floor whenever I can, and play with children. I don't pick them up to carry them on my shoulders, as I don't want to feel bigger and older than them. I still love those spinning tops and marbles (and, no, I'm not an expert... I still handle those like a 5-year old).

I would always be 5, if I can, as much I can. I'll fight with kids, I'll be jealous of them, I'll have respect for kids who are better than me (and, most usually are). There's only one slight problem. Not many people recognize that. The gray in my hair and the dulled out eyes, the wrinkles around the corner of the eye and the creaks in my bones tell them simply I can't be anything but old. Well, I refuse to be.

Then comes the tough part. When I fail to meet the expectations that come with my age, some of them go and hate me, some go scared, and some more laugh their heads off at me silly. They can't help taking me seriously.

Do I care? Yes, I do. And, that's why I miss being 5 so much.

Thanks, Shakia, for reminding me who I am - a little kid caged in a aging crumbling rotting body. Pray for that kid in me, and the kid in you, too. I am happy to have recognized that kid in you, even before we decided to talk to me. Happy birthday, kiddo, 30 days in advance.

- Aditya Kabir

I'll never go shopping again!

Once or twice a year I tend to reorganize my wardrobe, as I am sloppy and hate to fold clothes I end up with this huge dump. And while searching for a certain garment I have to dig like crazy, often I'd end up with something else. Now fashion is one of the things I want to least spend my time and money on, but it seems to have become my shameful weakness, need to admit my feminine sides.

So it took me about 2 days to get my wardrobe back to a civilized state, though I took very long breaks inbetween. Sometimes because of pure laziness other times because of frustration. Ended up sighing, yelling and cursing myself badly. "WHAT WAS I THINKING WHILE BUYING ALL THESE?!" Wishing that some thief would come in and just empty up my wardrobe or that I'd give it all away to charity.

To top that I have my sub continental dresses too! It's not enough that I need to have trousers, tops, dresses, skirts, winter clothes then summer clothes... But to add selwar kamiz and sari and not just one or two pairs. But one in each colour, fabric and designs!!! Then matching shoes and bags... AAAAA... It never ends!!!

I seriously wish I was born into a guy, specially time like these! Do you guys end up with these kinds of issues? No! It wouldn't even matter if you had ripped jeans and a greasy t-shirt which you wash once a month! Ah... If life was that simple!

Now I am pretty content with the amount of garments I own, so I've decided that I wont buy/ask for more. I will try to live happily with the amount for the next 2-3 decades!
And Apu if you are reading this, just so you know the only useful thing has happened since you moved to Australia, I've got more closet space! Your room is the offical dumping place. Thank you!